WANTED: Motivation

I work from home, and while I know that is a blessing because it allows me to spend the day with my precious 17-month-old, it isn't always easy.  I personally can come up with, oh about 100, different distractions to keep myself from working.  It starts out innocently with, "Hey, it's 8:50, I think I will check my Facebook and then start working at 9:00.  Oops, went over my 9:00...it's already 9:03...I will fold a load of laundry and try again at 9:15.  Mmm, haven't had my shower yet, and I would really feel more like working if I took care of that now.  Oh, no, it is 9:37, guess I should aim for 9:45..."  Well, you get the idea.  I have analyzed my situation and decided that I am on an endless cycle of frustration involving three steps.

First of all, I am a perfectionist and this is not good for my schedule.  I have found it is actually debilitating because I am always waiting for the perfect moment to start a project, and when that perfect moment doesn't arrive, I procrastinate.  For instance, I know a certain project will take at least an hour, therefore, I do not start if I believe I only have about 10 minutes to work.  I do not like to start things and leave them undone, so I actually do not start them at all.  My mom and I have discussed this, and she reminded me mothers have to learn to use little increments of time.  I obviously struggle with the concept.

The next step in the cycle is frustration.  I have so many unfinished projects (see above) that I become overwhelmed and decide I need a nap.  Seriously, this is beyond ridiculous, is it not?   Obviously not a rational thought, but I decide if I can just get a little rest, I will be ready to take on the world and accomplish my tasks in record time.

Finally, after said nap, I sit back down, ready to take care of business, when I get a phone call and I am given a new task, and all of the others are shifted to the back burner.  And the cycle begins again...

So, in a nutshell, I am going a little crazy.  I pray every day that the Lord will give me the right motivation, but I still struggle with focus.  I have memorized Proverbs 31:10-31 this year, and I have been trying to put the verses into practice in my everyday life.  As I muddle along right now, specific verses are coming to mind, and I think...

..."She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls."  Oops, didn't get up until 5:00 this morning, and that was to curl my daughter's hair for school.  And Lord, where are my servant girls?

..."She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks."  I have done nothing with vigor today, unless you count the eating of the leftover piece of chocolate I just found.  My arms are actually kinda flabby right now; I need to do some push-ups!

..."She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."  I am getting chubby on that ol' bread of idleness.

I have been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now, and have decided that I can ask the Lord for the right motivation until I am blue in the face, but I don't think it is going to magically appear.  I believe He will convict me of my distractions, but I also have to repent of my procrastination.  I have to confess it to Him and then make a conscious effort to stop wasting time.  I have to determine I will work as if I am working before Him, as found in Colossians 3:23. "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  This doesn't say "whatever you like to do" or "whatever you want to do"...it says "WHATEVER YOU DO".  Such a great verse, but the application can be a little tricky.  :)  I am a work in progress...

Here goes nothing...

I have been thinking about blogging for quite some time, not because I think I have topics of great relevance to discuss, but because I think I need a place to air my thoughts.  I am a SAHM, who also works remotely for an accounting firm in another state.  I consider both jobs to be blessings, but the two together do not necessarily create opportunities for much adult conversation throughout the day.  I do have the daily dialogue about debits, credits, and the occasional IRS correspondence...not exactly fodder for stimulating conversation.  So, basically my mom, sister, and hubby have to absorb the impact of my social deprivation.  My mom & sister live in a different state, and therefore, they are limited to daily phone calls where they struggle to get a word in edgewise.  My hubby, on the other hand, is usually hitting his "wind-down stage" (where he is about to sit down and watch TV) when I am ready to talk.  He gets this glassy-eyed look after the first five minutes, and while I don't claim to have ESP, I know exactly what is going through his mind.  "How long is she going to ramble on about this?  Can I turn my head ever-so-slightly toward the TV so that she thinks I am still listening but I can watch this game?  Why must I pause the DVR fifteen times during this episode so that she can pontificate about every subject known to (wo)man?" So, being the loving wife that I am, and in an effort to spare him the annoyance of his yammering wife, I will blog...