Grief is Hard: First Easter

I came over this morning to water flowers for my daddy since he is out of town with my aunts and uncles. Walking into their empty house almost broke me. I miss my mama every day and every time I walk in here, but being here alone somehow made the loss seem even more profound. Because I needed to pick up the rest of the family for church, I did not stay long. This afternoon though, I told the hubby I felt like I needed to just come sit in her chair and have a good cry. So that is what I have done tonight…cried, listened to praise music, pulled out her Bible and read the passages that she missed at church this morning, and then cried some more. I am not sure how Heaven celebrates the Resurrection, but I am sure it is so much better than some candy and an egg hunt. She has probably been at the feet of Jesus, so I cannot begrudge her that, but oh, how I miss her. Welcoming tears, sitting in grief, even in the midst of what is the biggest celebration…this is my first Easter without a mama.